The Adventures of Zack, Kane and Daniel!
by The Angry American
Summary: When a dispute between tag team partners and a certain Broski turns into destruction for the Chairman's car, Vince suspends both Kane, Daniel Bryan and Zack Ryder from competition, indefinitely! What kind of odd and crazy jobs must they do to pay back their boss's car? Will it be sweet sailing? Or will it all become a horrible nightmare for the threesome?
1. Ch 1: Accidents Do Happen

**"The Adventures of Zack, Kane and Daniel!"**

**Rated T**

**Summary: When a dispute between tag team partners and a certain Broski turns into destruction for the Chairman's car, Vince suspends both Kane, Daniel Bryan and Zack Ryder from competition, indefinitely! What kind of odd and crazy jobs must they do to pay back their boss's car? Will it be sweet sailing? Or will it all become a horrible nightmare for the threesome?  
**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the wrestlers or anything associated with World Wrestling Entertainment. Everything is owned by the chairman of WWE, Vince McMahon. This fic is not for money or profit as well. So enjoy reading.  
**

* * *

**_Chapter 1: Accidents Do Happen_  
**

* * *

"I'm not a weak link!"

"Oh, don't start this crap on me, Daniel!"

Voices were heard around backstage. Unfortunately, the kind of voices that was heard wasn't in Randy Orton's head. But quite frankly, it was coming from two men.

One of them had a goat-like beard and complained a lot, while the other was tall and sported a red mask with the hair he had back when he debuted in 1997.

They were Daniel Bryan and Kane, better known as Team Hell No. They were at the top of their game. They held the WWE Tag Team Champions for an astounding eight months before they finally lost out to a group of thugs named The Shield.

During that loss at Extreme Rules, Daniel Bryan had suddenly become crazy and desperate for attention. It was from this point on that Kane accused Daniel Bryan of being a weak link for the team. Every week and every night, they kept losing to the so-called Hounds of Justice. Daniel Bryan was sick and tired of losing all the damn time.

Daniel Bryan was always in that ring and he kept fighting his hardest, hoping to get respect from this crowd and to prove that he wasn't the weak link of the team. But just as he was one step away from victory, there was always a flaw. Distraction and lack of concentration cost him dearly. Each loss they suffered was boiling Daniel's anger like an egg.

This night was very much different from the nights they had. Unfortunately, it meant another loss for Team Hell No. They were certainly losing their groove altogether. This time around, Daniel Bryan was blaming their current loss on Kane.

"C'Mon, Daniel! Come back! You seriously can't blame this loss on me!" Kane shouted out to Daniel, who was busy rolling his luggage to the car.

"Oh really? Where in the hell where you when I needed you!?" Daniel responded in protest, "You could've came in and helped me when you had the chance!"

"It's not my fault that damn Rollins held me so that he wouldn't help me get to you on time!" Kane exclaimed in defense.

"Oh sure... you just wanted to ditch me so you can get your hands on my Sun Chips!"

"I'm not lying! I was really trying to help us win the match!"

"Sure, blame it on the elephant in the other room, Kane! My Sun Chips are full of grain! They're the only thing I eat besides frickin' vegetables!" Daniel snapped once again as he was now trying to get his luggage in the trunk of the car that he and Kane were driving.

"Yeah, and you saying 'I don't need your help' to me was the only thing that blamed us for losing!" Kane said to Daniel once again as he put his luggage in the backseat.

"Well, I..." Daniel said in a huge state of confusion.

Of course, it was right before their match began and Daniel said to Kane that he refused any help from his partner. The Big Red Machine clearly got the message very well. And that cost them another matchup with the Shield. Kane had Daniel Bryan beat for a second.

That was until Daniel Bryan was shot back to reality and responded with a little white lie.

"That was from the carrot juice, Kane!" Daniel yelled.

"Oh, don't you even dare blame it on the carrot juice! I remember you telling me before the match: 'I don't need your help, I got this.' That's what you said!" Kane exclaimed again, but this time, his anger was about to boil up. And so was Daniel's.

"I'm telling you! It was the carrot juice talking, not me!" Daniel yelled once again as he opened up the front door of his car and got in.

Kane also got in the car as well, but he was being silent. Daniel could feel the same thing as well. Nothing but silence between them.

Neither Team Hell No was able to utter a word to each other. But however, they were able to exchange glances. They weren't pretty to be exact, concerning that they couldn't stand each other. Despite the fact that they couldn't stand to be close to one another, both Kane and Daniel found it inside them to forgive one another.

But they weren't in such a forgiving mood this time. Sick of the silence between them, Daniel got out of the car.

"Daniel?! Where in the hell are you going now!?" Kane scowled at Daniel with a groan.

"Well, funny you should know, Kane... I happened to lose my passion in driving!" Daniel said with a snarl.

"Look, if it means much more to you... I'm sorry, okay?" Kane spoke out shrugging his shoulders, "I could've acted early! I should've responded to the sneak attack from Rollins and Reigns fast enough, but I caught my eye off the ball."

Daniel wasn't responding. He turned away from Kane and crossed his arms in irritated fashion.

"Okay, Daniel! I'm sorry if my constant yammering is getting to you! Now, can we get going already?" Kane said with a sighed groan, "I heard they have his excellent buffet in town with a huge salad bar. You can pick out every kind of salad dressing you want."

Still, Daniel wasn't letting out a word. He was still in his silent phase. Not having to hear him speak, Kane started losing his mind instantly.

"Okay, Daniel... WHAT IN THE HELL DO YOU WANT ME TO DO?! DRAW A PICTURE SO I CAN HELP YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT I'M FRICKING SAYING TO YOU!?" Kane shouted out to his goat-bearded partner, who finally found it in himself to turn around and face his partner.

After taking enough of Kane's shouting, Daniel finally spoke.

"I want to drive alone."

Hearing those words from the former World Heavyweight Champion himself, Kane took it on himself and fired back.

"Oh no, there's absolutely no way you're making me walk to the next show! My feet are gonna hurt like hell!" Kane exclaimed angrily as he gestured down to his feet. "This sucks, Daniel! If I can't ride with you, who in the hell am I gonna get to ride with?"

"Try Zack frickin' Ryder!"

"There's no way I'm riding with him!" Kane scowled as he started poking his finger at Daniel's chest. "He always blasts his poopy pop music up loud! The last time we rode with him, he sang 'Call Me Maybe' so loud, the sound drowned out my voice telling him to stop! And when he stopped playing, I ripped out that crappy 8-track out of that annoying music player and burned it to the ninth gate of hell!"

"Kane, I promise he won't do it again." Daniel replied, turning his cheek the other way.

"He always does it again! It's like an addiction that he can't rid of! Kinda like crack and herpes!" Kane growled as he gritted his teeth.

"He can't help himself!" Daniel exclaimed with nonsense. "Either way, I'm riding alone."

"Oh no, you're not!" Kane snarled, poking his partner in the chest.

"Oh yes, I am!" Daniel said to him close-up.

"No!"

"Yes!"

"NO!"

"YES!"

Meanwhile, during the loud verbal fight of yes's and no's between Daniel Bryan and Kane, "The Long Island Iced Z" Zack Ryder came rolling in with his entire luggage.

"Hey, broski's! What up?" Zack spoke to both Daniel and Kane, who turned to him.

"EAT IT, RYDER!" Kane and Daniel said, shouting back to the broski.

"Geez, I was trying to see 'what's up'. You didn't need to get your heads up your butts, bros." Ryder snarled at both of them as he opened up the trunk of his car so he could get his luggage in his trunk. Kane and Daniel decided to continue their verbal fight from there.

"I'm telling you Kane, Ryder isn't gonna play his pop music this time. He'll take it very quiet so you can get some sleep. Wouldn't you like that?" Daniel said with a gentle tone of voice.

"I'm still not riding with that little fruit!" Kane blared out aggressively as he gestured over to Ryder. But before the Long Island Iced Z could take off on his corvette, he put it on neutral and got of the car, overhearing what Kane said.

"Are you serious, bro? Are you actually calling me a little fruit?" Ryder responded to Kane with a raised eyebrow.

"If the fruity little headband fits, wear it!"

"Unlucky for you, bro... I grew out of those things!" Ryder replied in defense, "And to tell you the truth, those headbands weren't fruity!"

"Believe me, you looked like dried-up Fruit Stripe gum!" Kane cried out with an evil little chuckle. Although he was mostly seven foot and quite deranged because of the red mask he wears, he can always enjoy a little chuckle out of people's misfortune.

As the verbal fight now centered around the Big Red Monster and the Long Island Iced Z, an empty soda bottle fell down on the stick shift, which forced the pedal to move from park to reverse. Neither man noticed the Corvette rolling backwards as both Zack, Kane and Daniel were now embroiled in quite the verbal war.

"Dried up Fruit-Stripe gum? You're really comparing me to a sugarless treat, bro?" Zack responded back, giving Kane a little shove and a shrug.

"Yes, I am comparing you to a sugarless treat. You use gum that's melted just to spike your hair!" Kane teased at Ryder's face.

However, after a few irritating tirades, Daniel Bryan finally looked behind Ryder to see the Corvette rolling away.

"Um, guys..."

"Not now, Daniel!" Zack spouted to Daniel, before he turned his attention back to Kane, "Fine, if I look like dried-up Fruit Stripe, then your mask looks like you skinned a gorilla's ass, painted it red, and glued it on your face, bro!"

"How dare you make fun of my mask!" Kane spoke out through an enraged tone of voice, "I'll have you know that this mask is 100% leather, not the skin from a chimp's ass!"

"Guys..." Daniel spoke in the middle of the fight, trying to warn both Zack and Kane of the rolling Corvette in reverse.

"Don't interrupt, Daniel!" Kane shouted to Daniel again before he looked back at Ryder, "What about the time you cranked up your wussy pop music so loud, it was disturbing the other drivers?"

"Bro, I can't help it if I find Justin's Beiber's music infectious!" Zack exclaimed defensively once again.

"Yeah, like V.D.! And there's no way someone like me is getting V.D. listening to your little disease music!" Kane whined a little. Unfortunately, Kane and Ryder's back-and-forth argument boiled Daniel Bryan's anger, which forced the goat-bearded malcontent to finally snap.

"GUYS!" Daniel yelled from the top of his lungs.

"WHAT!?" Kane and Ryder shouted out to Bryan.

Daniel Bryan was about to say something at the moment, but he wouldn't get the chance.

All three suddenly heard the Corvette crash into something. It sure as hell didn't sound like a tink. But it was more like a thud. With the trio's eyes bulging, they knew it wasn't good.

"I was gonna say the Corvette's rolling in reverse." Daniel Bryan spoke in a nervous smile.

Hearing that squealing crash, both Kane, Daniel and Zack ran down the slanted ramp and witnessed a very disturbing image.

The image of Zack Ryder's corvette hitting a huge black limousine. But it wasn't just any limousine...

...it was a limousine owned by their boss, Mr. McMahon. Zack Ryder was seconds from panicking like a little high-pitched hussy. Aw, hell with it, he did anyway.

"My car! Why on earth did my car end up here?" Zack spoke out panicking. He put his hands to his head, knowing the consequences he would face.

"This is just great, Daniel!" Kane shouted as he rolled his eyes in anger. "If you could've said something sooner other than now, then we would've stopped Ryder's car in time!"

Rolling his eyes as well, Daniel spat back at Kane.

"If you didn't have the decency to yell at me in the first place, then this would've never happened!" Daniel exclaimed as he put his foot down and poked Kane's chest once again. All of his finger-poking was only making the Big Red Machine more pissed off than ever.

Kane would've had the decency to smash Bryan's face into a windshield, but before he could ever get a chance to do just that, Ryder's voice suddenly popped out.

"Hey, bros... why do I smell gasoline right now?" Ryder said, feeling a bit tense and suspicious.

Both Daniel and Kane became suspicious as well. Why on earth were they smelling gasoline all of a sudden?

But then they finally realized after a few hours of thinking...

"HOLY CRAAAAAAAAAP!"

After all three screamed with such horrendous tones, Ryder clearly backed away from the car and started to make a run for it. And so did Daniel and Kane. The threesome hit the ground running and just when they finally took cover...

_**BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!**_

That huge explosion nearly shattered every car window in the parking lot. Luckily, nobody wasn't around at the time because of the rubble and debris falling from one lot to the other. Ryder, Daniel and Kane covered themselves for a good minute or two before they finally looked up. The impact wasn't pretty.

Zack's Corvette and Mr. McMahon's limo was nothing but a pile of burnt scrap heap. A gulp came from the inside of Daniel Bryan. Nervously, he spoke up to the rest of his verbally-assaulted friends.

"Okay... n-nobody knows this happened..." Daniel said with a hint of fear in his eyes, "We'll just blame it on the monkeys. They smashed Mr. McMahon's limo and we didn't stop them in time."

Kane and Zack looked right at Daniel with such confusion, hoping that Daniel's gameplan of his wouldn't work. Luckily, it wasn't even going to if that plan happened.

The silence continued between them, but it wasn't meant to last. They heard a voice coming behind them.

"WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO MY CAR?!"

Those threatening words was heard from a certain Mr. McMahon, who appeared behind the trio and reacted in rage of the spectacle he was now watching. Kane, Daniel and Zack definitely didn't like the glare that their own boss gave them. It was like a mixture between the grim reaper and a man with the measles. Too stunned to even say a word, Daniel managed to utter something so grim.

"Ohhhhhhhh... shit."

* * *

**This can't be too good for both men. What will Vince do to both Kane, Zack and Daniel next chapter?  
**

**Read and review! Until then, Happy Father's Day!**


	2. Ch 2: The Aftermath Sets

**"The Adventures of Zack, Kane and Daniel!"**

**Rated T**

**Summary: When a dispute between tag team partners and a certain Broski soon turns into destruction for the Chairman's car, Vince suspends both Kane, Daniel Bryan and Zack Ryder from competition indefinitely! What must they do to pay back for their boss's car? Will it be sweet sailing? Or will it all become a horrible nightmare for the threesome?**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the wrestlers or anything associated with World Wrestling Entertainment. Everything is owned by the chairman of WWE, Vince McMahon. This fic is not for money or profit as well. So enjoy reading.  
**

* * *

**_Chapter 2: The Aftermath Sets  
_**

* * *

Kane, Daniel and Zack were both stranded in the chairman's office. Frankly, Kane and Daniel refused to look at one another in the most pissed-off fashion there ever was, and yet Zack was too intense to look at either man. Zack was so scared that every hairline on the top of his head was sticking up!

Basically, the chairman's office was like being trapped in hell. There seemed to be no way out. And when it comes to your job, you either dodge bullets to keep your job or you burn.

With scowls on the faces on Kane and Daniel, they spoke out their frustrations at one another.

"This is your fault, Kane!" Daniel shouted with a shriek.

"How in the hell is my fault? It's your attitude that got us here in the first place!"

"Well, excuuuuuuuse meeeee! If you only rode with Zack Ryder instead of bitching with me, than this would've never happened!" Daniel replied once more by banging his fist on the table!

"I'm telling you, I'm not riding with a little fruit!" Kane shot back, gesturing over to Ryder. The Long Island Iced Z decided to step in and stop this little argument for himself, even though anything Ryder was gonna say from his mouth would feel pointless.

"Bros, would you please stop?" Ryder said speaking out to both Kane and Daniel, whose arguing made Zack get one major migraine. "Can't you see both of your screamings are already getting us in trouble?!"

"Ryder, we want your opinion. Who's fault is it?!" Kane replied with an angry glare to Ryder.

"Geez... I'm like the elephant in the other room..." Ryder said as he rolled his eyes and muttered.

"Kane's right for once." Daniel said, agreeing with Kane's statement. "Ryder, who's responsible? Me or Kane?"

The migraine was coming back once again. Ryder was feeling the side-effects for sure.

"Bros, I'd be happy to tell you who's fault it was, but thanks to your whining and blaming, my brain cell's bleeding from the top of my skull!" Ryder spoke with a shout.

But now, this shout-fest turned out to be a triple threat match. Both Kane, Daniel and Zack were going at each other with so much verbal abuses, even the "G" word was thrown out in vain. Bryan kept poking Kane in the chest, resulting in the Big Red Monster tipping the chair over and knocking the goat-faced malcontent down. Ryder laughed at Bryan falling off a chair before Daniel got back up and kicked Zack in the noggin.

Bryan teased a fallen Ryder while showing his tongue. Annoyed, Kane grabbed Daniel's tongue and poured habanero hot sauce all over it. Daniel screamed like a high-pitched bitch while running all across the room in pain. The Big Red Monster just happened to find the hot sauce bottle all over the table.

While Kane was laughing at Daniel Bryan's misfortune, Ryder got back up and threw his iPod shuffle at Kane's face. Now it was Ryder doing the laughing. But Kane wasn't. Angrily with rage, Kane retaliated by getting out of his chair and chasing the Broski in circles. Now both Zack, Kane and Daniel were running all around the Chairman's office.

The carnage kept continuing until they were cut off by screaming.

"SIT DOWN, DAMMIT!"

The screaming came from Mr. McMahon. He was angry as ever. So Kane, Daniel and Zack stopped running and went back to their seats.

Basically, it was the same look that Mr. McMahon has when he's ready to fire someone. You know, when his face turns a bit red and that vein popping in his forehead. It was just like that, but Vince wasn't in a 'firing' kind of mood today. It was something worse.

"Okay, now the reason I sent you three in my office was to ask you what went on my car. I know that both of you are witnesses, now I wanna know what happened." Vince said as he took his seat firmly in his chair. Daniel decided to speak up. Luckily, the burning sensation involving the habanero hot sauce and his tongue went away.

"Vince, I have to come clean..." Daniel said as he let out a very big breath...

...inhaled...

...and then responded.

"It was the monkeys." Daniel replied with a confident smile as Kane groaned like a child.

"I told you, we're not blaming this on the monkeys!" Kane cried out in foul-less temper.

"Hold on a minute, Kane." Vince spoke out to Kane, calming him down for the time being. He continued his conversation with Daniel. "So, you're meaning to tell me that monkeys came out of nowhere and happened to beat down mine and Zack Ryder's car to a pile of rubble?"

"That's what exactly happened, Vince." Daniel nodded with a care-free smile. "What happened was... me, Kane and Ryder were busy sharing a friendly conversation until we got jumped by angry steroid-taking monkeys. There was a little monkey, a medium-sized monkey and a large monkey."

Kane and Ryder nodded in comparison while Vince looked and sounded very interested.

"We tried to fight them off one by one until the large monkey hit all of us with a banana that was disguised as a lead pipe." Daniel spoke with steady carefulness. "And the next thing we knew, we heard sounds of swinging and clinking. And when we got up... **BOOM!** Like right out of a Jerry Bruckheimer film! You understand, don't you, Vince?"

Hearing Bryan's tale from the goatface's standpoint, Mr. McMahon happened to reach out his cabinet for a tape and spoke out.

"So, you're meaning to tell me that monkeys infiltrated the arena and started to demolish my car and Zack's?"

"It's exactly what happened, Mr. McMahon." Daniel said with pleasing effort.

"Well well well... let's see what the tape says about your little tale, shall we?" McMahon spoke, feigning a smile. He put the tape on an used VHS, and pressed the play button.

There was a surveillance camera playing the tape of Daniel and Kane anguing. Zack Ryder then came out of the car as soon as he was about to drive away. The three began to go at each other verbally until a butterfly flew past a soda bottle, in which a single touch from the insect forced the soda bottle to fall into the shift stick. This also forced Zack Ryder's Corvette to go reverse.

After a few minutes of arguing, Kane, Daniel and Zack finally looked behind them and decided to chase after the rolling Corvette. But it was too late to even catch it in time.

The front of Mr. McMahon's limo was rammed hard into the back of Ryder's Corvette. Unfortunately, the smell of gasoline was leaking under the limo as Ryder, Kane and Daniel hightailed it out of there. The explosion was so great that it just knocked the footage right off.

After the tape was finished playing, Vince turned to Daniel and the guys with a stern look on his face.

"Well, guys. What do you have to say to yourself?"

Knowing that there wasn't anywhere to go with this tale of his, Daniel thought of a last-second plan.

"We have to be clean about this..." Daniel spoke with another deep breath. "...we're colorblind!"

"Really, bro?" Zack cried out to Daniel while cringing.

"Dear god, I'm going to hell..." Kane muttered to himself with a facepalm to the face. In Kane's words, they were already going to hell. Vince's anger rose like the prince of darkness himself.

"Oh, don't give me that! You know damn well that my property isn't to be messed with!" Vince gritted his teeth harshly, "I can't imagine the fines I give to my superstars knowing that it costs them their own jobs! You wanna know what I did to Yoshi Tatsu? I fired his ass due to the fact that he put a stinkbomb on my bed! I swear, I was smelling nothing but a combination of donkey farts and death!"

Daniel, Kane and Ryder started not to snicker when Vince told them about the 'donkey farts and death' part. Unfortunately, Ryder was the one laughing his Broski butt off, when he was not supposed to. But Vince didn't find the whole thing amusing.

"Ohhhh, you think that's funny? Well, let's see you laugh at this! I'm suspending each and every one of you indefinitely without pay!" Vince exclaimed aggressively while Kane, Zack and Daniel's jaws dropped in shock.

"What? You can't do that! The whole thing was just an accident!" Kane exclaimed as he was about one inch away from throwing a fit.

"I'm your boss and this is my company, damn it!" Vince exclaimed as he pointed a finger at Kane's chest. "Let's see you laugh now!"

"Why is it always the chest?" Kane complained to himself as he sat back down.

"In addition to your suspension. The rest of you will be paying a million dollars for my limousine! Don't even thinking about paying the fee with your salary, either!"

Hearing this unbelievable news, Daniel and Ryder reacted with anger and irritation.

"That's not right, Mr. McMahon! You hardly pay us any money that's worth a million dollars and yet we wrestle every night!" Daniel said as he madly erupted in the boss's face.

"I know. Until then, you're no longer active from competition for the time being, and that's final." Vince said as he finally put his foot down, much to the fear of the trio.

"That's not fair! How are we supposed to pay for your limo if you don't pay us!?" Zack pouted a bit. Seeing the disapproval on both the trio's faces, Vince did find a ultimatum for them.

"I don't know... get a job, perhaps?" Vince said with a sarcastic shrug, "I'll give you your jobs back when you pay the fee. If you don't, you can say goodbye to your contracts... for good."

"This sucks, bro..." Zack muttered lowly in shame before Vince overheard him.

"Yeah, but the good thing is... at least I'm not both of you." Mr. McMahon spoke, displaying a light chuckle before he cleared his throat and followed the threesome to the door, "You have a good day gentleman, and don't come back until you get the fee."

Feeling angry and ashamed for themselves, Zack, Daniel and Kane walked out of the chairman's office.

Outside the parking lot meanwhile, the dysfunctional trio were walking side by side, and yet they weren't looking at one another.

"Great. Some friend you are, Daniel! Now we have to pay for our boss's car without any salary to pay for it!" Kane snapped at his tag team partner while smacking him upside his head.

"It's not my fault, Kane! I didn't know there would be a surveillance camera taping this whole shit!" Daniel snapped back at the Big Red Monster as well.

The verbal fight nearly started once again, but it hardly got off due to the fact that Zack Ryder stepped in front of their verbal fight once again. He was mostly talking to Bryan this time.

"Uh, bro... somebody's stealing your car!"

"WHAT!?" Daniel screamed out loud as he, Kane and Ryder dashed on foot and tried to get to his car, just in time to stop the perpetrator. "HEY! GET YOUR HANDS OFF OF MY CAR!

They saw a figure dressed in a grey shirt, black pants, and had a set of cornrows and facial hair while chowing down on a piece of cornbread. He was quite big, and quite familiar to be exact. And when Kane, Daniel and Zack got an inch closer to the mysterious figure, they couldn't believe his eyes.

"MARK HENRY!?" The trio yelled out in unison.

"Y'all didn't see shit!" Henry blared out to both of them as the World's Strongest Man screechingly backed up and drove away with Daniel Bryan's car. He exited out of the parking lot in a flash.

Coughing up the dust between them, both Kane, Zack and Daniel were stranded in the absolute middle of nowhere with nothing but tumbleweeds. Every car in the lot was gone. And now, all that was left was the three people standing before them: themselves.

"Wait, how in the hell are we supposed to get to a hotel now?!" Daniel said to both Kane and Ryder, who decided not to reply. After that awkward comment, it was nothing but silence.

* * *

**Ouch! That oughta hurt for both of them. What on earth will Daniel, Kane and Zack do, now that they're both out of a job for now?  
**

**Just so everyone doesn't know, I inspired this little fic thanks to the Three Stooges. I think Kane would be Moe, Zack would be Larry and Daniel would be a skinny, goat-faced Curly. But that's pretty much my opinion. Anyway, find out what happens to the trio next after you read and review.  
**

**P.S.: I'm so excited that Rob Van Dam is coming back to WWE's Money In The Bank PPV! This rocks!**


	3. Ch 3: Hitchin' a Ride, Part I

**"The Adventures of Zack, Kane and Daniel!"**

**Rated T**

**Summary: When a dispute between tag team partners and a certain Broski soon turns into destruction for the Chairman's car, Vince suspends both Kane, Daniel Bryan and Zack Ryder from competition indefinitely! What must they do to pay back for their boss's car? Will it be sweet sailing? Or will it all become a horrible nightmare for the threesome?**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the wrestlers or anything associated with World Wrestling Entertainment. Everything is owned by the chairman of WWE, Vince McMahon. This fic is not for money or profit as well. So enjoy reading.  
**

* * *

**_Chapter 3: Hitchin' a Ride, Part I  
_**

* * *

The middle of the night.

Lights were flashing, the cars were going, and jets were lighting up the sky. So far, so good.

But it wasn't good for Zack, Kane and Daniel. They were busy walking out the empty arena, but they refused to even look at one another.

"Well, this is just dandy! We're out in the middle of nowhere thanks to that fatass Mark Henry stealing my car!" Daniel shouted in a meltdown-like fashion. He then directed his anger at his tag-team partner, Kane. "And it was all your fault!"

"My fault? Why in the hell is it my fault, Daniel?!" Kane said, yelling right in Daniel's goatbeard of a face.

"Because it just is! You've could've let me ride alone! If I did, then this wouldn't happened!"

"Bullcrap, Daniel! There was no way I wouldn't be getting a ride from Ryder here!" Kane said, gesturing over to the Long Island Iced Z, who was busy trying to get a call from town.

"Even if you didn't like it, I wouldn't care! He could've had headphones you could borrow from that shitty pop music Ryder listens to!" Daniel snarled at Kane, right before Ryder overheard their conversation.

"I heard that, bro! And could you try to keep it to a minimum? I'm gonna see if we can get a ride here." Ryder shouted to both men as Kane and Daniel moved to another section of the parking lot so that the Broski wouldn't have to hear them argue any further.

As Team Hell No were arguing, Ryder dialed his cell phone, in hopes that he would find a single connection outside the arena. He put the cell phone straight to his ear, but before he could ever hear one ring, he noticed a 'battery low' signal on the top of the screen.

"Oh, come on! Are you serious, bro?!" Zack cried a bit foul-less, realizing the hidden fact that he forgot to charge his cell phone. To add insult to injury, his charger was destroyed in the blast that involved his car and Mr. McMahons. Zack, of course, did have enough money to cover the damage for his car, but not Mr. McMahon's. And that's what got him and Team Hell No suspended.

Meanwhile, as Zack was bitching about his phone problems, Kane and Daniel were still embroiled in their verbal war. It's been like this before and after they got in trouble.

"What about the night you ate all that pizza, and you didn't even bother saving me a slice!" Daniel shouted while he stomped his foot down in anger.

"You said you weren't hungry!" Kane snapped, "I figured since you weren't hungry, I could have all the cheese pizza to myself!"

"But you couldn't have bothered saving me a slice!" Daniel spoke constantly while his words hit Kane with such realism. "Instead, you had to scarf down a whole entire pizza like a fat old fart!"

Unfortunately, Kane didn't take too well with Daniel calling him a fat, old fart. He stepped one inch closer to his goatbearded partner and stared at him deathly.

"What the hell did you say about me?"

Knowing that he was being dwarfed by his tall lunk of a partner, Daniel tiptoed and glared at Kane.

"You heard me... you're a fat... old... FART!"

Kane's fists shook with anger after he heard Daniel calling him a fat old fart. The Big Red Monster didn't take too kindly to those words, so he did what he had to do just to shut him up...

...

...

...

...

...

He started to cry.

"YOU'RE SO HURTFUL!" Kane screamed with rage as he turned around and ran off crying. That was really disturbing that he saw Kane cry like a bitch for the first time. Seeing Kane run miles away from him, Daniel shouted out to his best friend.

"COME ON, KANE, I DIDN'T MEAN IT LIKE THAT! COME BACK!" Daniel whined to his friend, who was just running with his fiery tail between his legs.

Daniel turned the other cheek and cussed himself off before Zack approached him.

"Bro, that was harsh. I never seen Kane cry like that." Ryder replied to Daniel as they were still seeing Kane run far away from them. Right now, he was running so far away that he was nowhere to be seen.

"You kidding me? He cries like this every time when he watches 'my Little Pony'. He winces every time Fluttershy gets her feelings hurt." Daniel spoke as he shook his head in confusion.

"Kane's a brony? I never knew that. It's so OC of him..." Ryder said as he wanted to shake the image of Kane watching My Little Pony off of his head. "By the way, Daniel. I got good news and bad news."

"Which is...?" Daniel replied with a groan.

"Let me start off the bad news, bro. My battery's dead. Which means we cant get a ride anywhere around town." Ryder muttered while shaking his head in a negative mood. But he looked at Daniel with a confident smile of glee, "The good news is... my Justin Beiber CD's were unharmed."

"Well, this sucks ass. Not also we have no ride, but now we have to go search for Kane! He's missing all over town..."

Hearing news from Daniel himself, Ryder looked over his shoulder and saw a tiny glimpse of Kane running inside a gas station.

"Look, bro. Maybe Kane's in that gas station nearby town." Ryder said as he pointed to a Love's convenience store nearby the arena. Daniel Bryan noticed the long block between the gas station and the arena they fought in. It was like a large mile and it would even take a good 8 minutes to walk from there.

When Kane ran through here, it took only like two minutes to ran to the gas station. Who knew The Big Red Monster was a very fast sprinter when he cried?

"Fine... let's go get him." Daniel said while he rolled his eyes yet again. It was until then that Daniel and Zack had to walk. Quite strangely, the goatbearded superstar felt his pockets go a bit light on him. "Um, Zack... when did the pockets of my pants feel lighter than usual?"

**Mostly ten minutes later...**

Daniel and Zack arrived inside the convenience store with their calf muscles flaring after a very long-ass powerwalk. Daniel was still feeling his pockets as if something was missing. He looked outside of the store and saw a payphone nearby. That's when Daniel had an idea up his sleeve.

"Look, you go cheer Kane up. I'll see if I can get a cab somewhere across town." Daniel spoke in a hurry as he went back outside.

With a gulp coming on the inside from the Long Island Iced Z, Zack looked to the boys bathroom where he heard crying, mostly from their big lug of a friend, Kane. After letting out a deep breath, Zack knocked on the door and spoke out.

"Kane? Broski, you in there?"

"Go away..." Kane muttered sadly from the bathroom door. "I want to be alone."

"Bro, Daniel didn't really mean all that stuff about you." Zack said in a careful tone of voice.

"You should've been there, Zack! Daniel called me a fat old fart!"

"Look. Daniel only said that out of anger. He wasn't trying to be serious. It's just that he doesn't like the things you do that makes him angry." Zack replied as he tried to shed some light on this argument between Kane and Daniel.

All he heard was silence. Kane didn't reply, but he sure paid attention to what Ryder was saying to him.

"It's okay. You don't wanna talk to Daniel. I respect that, bro." Zack nodded to himself, "But at least understand that he's your friend. And no matter what, friends are there to help you no matter how bad things get."

After hearing Zack's little tale of friendship, Kane creaked the door a little bit so that he would only see half of Ryder's forehead.

'You're lying..." Kane spoke with a little growl.

"Bro, I'm not lying. He's always been appreciative of what you've done for him. Remember the time you made christmas cookies for everyone in the roster? They liked it, including your best friend. Or how about the time you helped out Daniel get that bag of SunChips from the vending machine because the whole entire machine was jammed? And not to forget the time he helped you become WWE Tag Team Champions, even though you weren't getting along with each other at the time?"

Those words from Zack actually touched a nerve in Kane's fiery heart. After all they've been through with their recent argument, Daniel always found a way to make peace with his friend.

"Well, he did like my cookies..." Kane said in positive reaction. He finally got out of the bathroom, but the Big Red Monster looked all around him. Something was definitely missing. "Ryder, are we missing someone?"

"Oh no, bro. Daniel's outside. He's on the phone, trying to get us a ride across town." Ryder said as he pointed to Bryan outside. The goatbeard of a man was trying to get some change from his pockets.

"Good, I've been dying to get outta here. I'm still smelling brimstone from Mr. McMahon's car..." Kane said with a weary expression. That brimstone smell from their boss's limousine was affecting the entire city. It was almost like a silent smog storm.

Outside the gas station, Daniel Bryan was having trouble getting the change out of his pockets. All it took was a quarter to use the payphone, so why in the hell was Daniel wasting his time getting 25 cents out of his pocket?

"C'mon, you bastard! Get... outta my pocket and into the coin slot!" Daniel responded as he angrily struggled trying to go pocket wrangling.

But then, he realized his mistake. His hand tore through the pocket creating a hole. This was strange to Daniel. But knowing that he wouldn't find any change in his left pocket, he decided to try the right pocket.

The results was the same. Daniel's hand tore a hole in the right pocket. This situation was strange. Daniel entered the arena with full amount of cash and he left the arena with his pants pockets feeling light.

Realization hit him like a lead brick once again. Daniel's money was stolen.

"Oh no..." He said with his eyes popping in suspense. Which bastard was sick enough to even steal Daniel's moolah? The answer was this:

Daniel's money was in the hands of meaty black hands. With a smirk on his face and a Hardees Super Bacon Cheese Thickburger in his hand, Mark Henry was having one hell of a time driving Daniel Bryan's car while his theme song was playing on the CD player

The World's Strongest Man looked down to the passengers seat and looked at Daniel Bryan's wallet like it was a nice sexy honey.

"Don't worry... you're gonna make good company..." Mark said with a evil smile. As he patted Daniel's wallet like a pet, he grabbed the greasy burger from the dashboard. His taste buds was bothering him like crazy. "Next stop, my thighs!"

Mark Henry chomped on that huge bacon cheeseburger like it was no tomorrow. Back at the gas station meanwhile, Daniel Bryan fell down to his knees, realizing that Mark Henry had now stolen the rest of his money, his car, and his self-esteem. In response, he looked up to the sky and yelled out something fierce and violently:

_"MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARK!" _

* * *

**Chapter 4 is coming up. Until then, read and review. Thank you... and you're welcome.**


	4. Ch 4: Hitchin' a Ride, Part II

**"The Adventures of Zack, Kane and Daniel!"**

**Rated T**

**Summary: When a dispute between tag team partners and a certain Broski soon turns into destruction for the Chairman's car, Vince suspends both Kane, Daniel Bryan and Zack Ryder from competition indefinitely! What must they do to pay back for their boss's car? Will it be sweet sailing? Or will it all become a horrible nightmare for the threesome?**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the wrestlers or anything associated with World Wrestling Entertainment. Everything is owned by the chairman of WWE, Vince McMahon. This fic is not for money or profit as well. So enjoy reading.  
**

* * *

**_Chapter 3: Hitchin' a Ride, Part II_**

* * *

Daniel Bryan was in incomplete rage. The thoughts of Mark Henry stealing Daniel Bryan's car and cash was waaaaaaay beneath the line!

The goat-bearded individual was so mad, he wanted to tear something off the concrete and eat it up. Yet that would be impossible to do since their teeth would be yanked off from the steel.

As much as he wanted to channel his inner Hulk, Ryder and Kane went outside to check up on him.

"Hey bro, any luck yet?" Zack Ryder said to Daniel.

"Do I look like I wanna eat celery?" Daniel Bryan replied sarcastically.

"Well, you have the goat of a beard, so..." Kane said while pausing a bit, "...yeah."

"I just found out that fatass Bob Marley a.k.a. Mark Henry, stole my cash!" Daniel cried out.

"Bro, that's so harsh..." Ryder said, feeling a bit of compassion for his bearded friend.

"This sucks..." Kane replied, "This really sucks horseshit! Now what are we gonna do? We got no cash, we got no ride, and so far, we're gonna be out of a job if we don't pay back Mr. McMahon's car!"

"You think, Kane?" Daniel said with his eyes bulging sarcastically.

"Yeah, if you could've kept your mouth shut when we had that little fight, then we would've kept our jobs!" Kane objected angrily, "But no, your little goat mouth had to make us get thrown in the boat!"

"Well, excuuuuuuuse meeeeeee!" Daniel sarcastically exclaimed, "If only if you rode with Ryder instead of me, then I would still care!"

"Oh, we're not bringing this up again! I'm not riding with eraserhead here, like I already told you!" Kane whined.

Being a little agitated that Kane and Bryan were once again fighting, Zack Ryder thought of an idea. A little light bulb on the top of his head, it seems.

"Bros! I got such the craziest idea of how we can afford a ride!" Ryder exclaimed.

"What? You gonna sell your body for cash?" Kane chuckled out of pity.

"No, dude. Although that does sound sick..." Ryder murmured through thought, "You ever seen those movies where you ever seen the lead character always hitchhikes so he can gets a ride?"

They didn't answer, but the twosome did nod.

"Well, bros. I just got an idea that may be crazy enough to work!" Ryder exclaimed yet again, "Daniel, take your shirt and wear it like a school-girl top. And show some leg!"

"WHAT?" Daniel replied in shock, "There's no way in hell I'm gonna dress like a prostitute schoolgirl! I rather drill my own balls with a power tool than to wear something so girly!"

"Well, it was the only idea I had, bro!" Ryder complained out of sarcasm.

"If you want the idea, let Kane do it. He's already got hair like a slut." Bryan chuckled a bit.

Unfortunately, the thought of being called a 'slut' rattled Kane's nerves a bit. In response, he yanked the beard of Daniel Bryan and stared at him deathly.

"Care to repeat that little comment?" Kane threatened with his teeth gritting.

That scary little glare in Kane's face made Daniel want to hide in a dark place and shiver. But since Kane kept on yanking his beard, he couldn't.

"I didn't call you a slut." shivered Daniel, "I said your hair makes you look like a slut!"

"Really? Because there's absolutely no way in hell I'm wearing some cheap tasteless outfit in front of 1,000 honking cars!" Kane said with anger yet again.

"Well, if you ain't gonna wear one, I ain't wearing one either!" Daniel declared as well.

As much as they were enjoying having this staring contest full of rage, Kane and Daniel soon turned to Zack Ryder. With sick smirks on their faces, they began approaching the headband-wearing broski in a quiet, yet threatening pace.

"Bros, get away from me! I don't like this!"

Zack Ryder was about to run far away from Team Hell No, when Kane yanked him by the shirt. What the twosome was gonna do to the Long Island Iced Z would be nothing more of a humiliation!

_**One hour later**_

"This sucks, bro!" Ryder shouted in humiliation.

Daniel and Kane were laughing at a surprising sight.

The sight of Zack Ryder dressing like a slutty schoolgirl. As much as the humiliation hit the Broski close to home, he looked very attractive in drag. It just like the actor in that one movie where the black man and the latino all dressed up in drag alongside the main character. Unlike the movie, Ryder stooped so low to act slutty. After all, it was his idea.

"Looking good, Zackarina!" Daniel hollered, only to make Ryder steam with rage.

"Shut up, bro!" Ryder snapped back.

"Why can we? With that outfit, you look like a transsexual Britney Spears!" Kane hollered as well, "At least she put out more than you!"

"Don't think you can go off telling anyone about this, bro!" Ryder snapped once again.

Zack had very little intention to get into a fight with the Big Red Monster, considering he'd been one of the people that ruined the Broski's career alongside Eve Torres.

But before Ryder can manage to shut Kane's mouth once and for all, a car honked behind him.

Kane and Daniel looked behind Ryder to see a limousine rolling. Looking at it firsthand was like if the president was in town. Of course, the president wasn't there, but at least there was a limousine with techno music playing inside. Sounds like such a party in here.

The threesome stood closer to the long white piece of metal heaven, anticipating who would come out of it. But instead a door opening...

...a window was rolled down to see a shirtless blonde dude.

"Hey, handsome! Need a ride?"

"So bad!" Ryder said, looking very hesistant, "Look bro, we don't have a ride, and we don't have any money. I'd take my Corvette, but it was blown up! Oh, and Daniel's ride got jacked as well. If it's okay with you, will you give us a ride?"

"A ride, huh?" The blonde guy said, thinking about the trio's offer.

The nerves were getting to both men. The breeze around them was getting a little colder, despite being spring. Just the thought of walking around in the dark was not an option.

"Let me ask my friend and see what he thinks.."

And then, the blonde guy looked down at an unknown source and spoke on.

"What do you think? Shall we give these guys a 'ride'?"

Much to their trio's surprise, the person who ascended from the window happened to be an incredibly gay man, who was busy wiping his mouth off from the blonde guy he's been 'polishing'.

"Mmmmmmm... we might as will..." The gay man smiled with glee, "Maybe we can tell them how we get 'down'..."

With a hot yet uncomfortable passionate kiss coming from two bisexual men, the blonde dude looked back to the trio.

"So... you in...?"

Both Daniel, Kane and Ryder were still in shock of two men 'embracing' one another over funky techno music. They could not say one word that described this mess that they say. Would they puke? Would they die? Would their eyes burn. One thing was for sure...

**A minute later...**

"MY EYES! MY EYES ARE FRICKIN' BURNING!" Daniel screamed out of mercy while washing his eyes in the bathroom.

Ryder on the other hand, was vomiting from a toilet after the disgusting display he saw outside. Luckily, he managed to get out of that slutty schoolgirl attire he was wearing. That thing made him look like a girlyboy. The kind of girlyboy that was nothing more than a man dressed in drag.

Kane was nowhere to be found. He was still outside waiting for Ryder and Daniel to come out. Thankfully, they managed to get out of there, but the bathroom had such a vomity smell.

"I will never see reality again, bro!" Ryder cried out in pain.

"I'm not sure if I'm ever gonna see!" Daniel said, feeling the water drip from his eyes, "Kane, you got a towel?"

He didn't hear anything from Kane. That's strange. Mostly, when Daniel would talk to Kane, he would get an answer from the big guy.

"Kane?"

But when Daniel managed to wipe the water off his shirt, his vision restored...

...only to see Kane with a bag of something in his hand.

"Yeah, Daniel? What do you need?" Kane said with his mouth full.

"Kane? What the heck are you eating?" Daniel responded suspiciously.

"Cheddar Jalapeno Cheetos." Kane answered.

"Wha-?" Daniel said while losing his voice, "How in the hell do you have money?"

"I had cash with me. But it was only for something to snack on." Kane shrugged.

"Cash? How much do you have, bro?" Ryder said, feeling alarmed.

"Only $2 bucks, but it's-" Kane responded, before Daniel cut him off.

"GIMME GIMME GIMME!" Daniel shouted repeatedly while he grabbed Kane's wallet like a pickpocketer.

"IT'S THE ONLY MONEY I HAVE LEFT, DANIEL!" Kane yelled back.

Like a maniac with a sugar attack, Daniel slammed the rest of the money on the counter, which sorta scared the cashier a bit!

"Sir, please help turn these two dollars into eight quarters, please! Me and the noobs need rides!" Daniel frantically yelled in panic.

"Well, sir... since you scare me like a goat with rabies, I'll be happy to help you!" The cashier replied sarcastically, still being bothered by Daniel Bryan's erratic behavior.

As soon as he was about to open the cash register, the box was jammed in tight. That didn't sound like good news to begin with.

"Uh, bad news sir, the box is sorta jammed in tight here. It might take a long time to get the whole thing out, sir." Cashier sighed, "Would you like to wait?"

"No... I'll be fine..." Daniel muttered angrily at the cashier, who gave Daniel's money back.

Muttering what seemed to be a row of silent cusswords, Daniel was approached by his two friends.

"I really hate my life right now..." Daniel said in scorn.

"Sorry about that, bro." Ryder responded while he patted Daniel in the shoulder.

"What's the point right now, Daniel? I can't even fit my dollar bill in that pay phone, even if I had to call a ride!" Kane burst out through hesistance.

"Now, how on earth are we ever gonna get a ride now, bro?" Ryder shrugged.

"I don't know. Let's put our minds to use here..." Daniel said, beginning to go into thinking mode here.

Quite frankly, Zack and Kane were going into thinking mode as well. How can they afford a ride which is worth two bucks? Let's face it, a measly two bucks definitely won't get them anywhere. Except for maybe a can of pop and chips. This was very hopeless! And so far, not even one word came out of the trio.

Whenever they were thinking, they couldn't come up with anything worse except being dressed in drag. There was no way Zack Ryder wanted to go through that again.

However, their thoughts were interrupted when a familiar voice crept them from behind.

"Hey, guys. Need a ride?"

Hearing that voice, the trio's eyeballs were popped open. They couldn't believe who was standing behind them in surprise.

* * *

**Who was that voice? Will he/she be the ticket to get Bryan, Kane, and Ryder out of this hellhole that they're in? Find out next chap! Until then, feedback is appreciated! ^_^**

**BTW, can't wait for Total Drama All-Stars to come on Cartoon Network! It's gonna kick major ass!**


End file.
